I was going to keep it secret from the rest of you, but whatev.

xD

I really hit rock bottom last night. Honest to god, rock fucking bottom. I've never been so down. I literally was crying so long, that the tears eventually dried and I couldn't anymore. The smallest thing set me off, and all the recent day's events just piled on until I crumbled under the weight.

Sorry for dumping on you guys. But I think I need a good break from dA.

Especially after seeing your comments. No offense, but that wasn't what I needed right then. Dani's seemed to be the only one that effected me in a honestly good way, Dark's and Kai's being runners up.


I'm actually kind of pissed.

Because... for the most part, I am a happy person. Kind of oblivious, actually. But when I have a problem, I take it to dA, because you're all my friends, and I know you'll pull me out of it.

I wasn't expecting you all to snap at me and tell me I was a kid. That made what I was going through WORSE to be brutally honest.

I know I'm a damn kid. I'm fucking 16. I'm not even done growing yet.

But to have you say I think the world revolves around me and all that shit?

No.

I've never once thought that. I think the total opposite.

And I know it was stupid to say I'll never do art again, but just... god. Like I said, I've never been so low before. And most of those comments? Kicking me while I was down.

Thankfully I had someone talking me through it, or else I might've done something bad.


Bye, dA.

Next time I update anything, I'll more than likely be on a new account.


-Edit-

Oh, and for my contest. I'm sorry, I'm going to have to cancel. No one else was entering anyway. I'll try drawing something for those who entered, if I ever get my inspiration back.

I'm done.

Just... done.

As soon as I finish Coercion's pic, I'll never pick up a pencil again.

I'll never bother any of you again.

I'm sorry if I wasted any of your time and pity.

Thank you for being there, even if you were pretending.

Obviously I'm not meant to do anything in this world. Just be a burden to people, it seems. I can't do school. I can't do art.

I'm a failure.

I'm overdosing on sugar, makes me feel better.

Sometimes I wish I was an animal.

Not just because I want to..

but because you wouldn't have such confusing emotions. Things would be basic, easier. Do what your instincts say.

We're too smart for our own good.. you know. I'm telling you, if I was a fox or something, I'd know what to do. Because my brain wouldn't be running through all this madness and trying to sort it out... I would just, do what was best for me.

But when you have all these thoughts running through your mind..

You think about the other person, as well. You can't just be selfish.

There's just... so many things I want to do. To say. The truth... it hurts. It hurts everyone.

Funny thing is, I'm not even the one that was really hurt.

Just... I don't know what to do, who to turn to anymore. I'm on this giant earth, with so many people..

but I'm all alone. The decision is mine.. but can I make it? Will it be the right one?

Or will I just tear his heart out again... and mine in the process?

I've cried my heart out these past two days. I can't take much more.

Would I even have room for him, or will he just.. fall in the black hole that is my heart..










Sound the bugle now..

Play it just for me.

As the seasons change.. remember .. how I used to be.

Now I can't go on.

I can't even start.

I've got nothing left... just an empty heart.



I'm a solider, wounded.. So I must give up the fight.

There's nothing more, for me.

Lead me away....


..or leave me lying here...