~Xesta

Moved to Dewzilla kthx.

Profile

Gallery

Prints

Faves

Journal

...

Journal Entry: Mon Jun 15, 2009, 9:35 PM

Sometimes I wish I was an animal.

Not just because I want to..

but because you wouldn't have such confusing emotions. Things would be basic, easier. Do what your instincts say.

We're too smart for our own good.. you know. I'm telling you, if I was a fox or something, I'd know what to do. Because my brain wouldn't be running through all this madness and trying to sort it out... I would just, do what was best for me.

But when you have all these thoughts running through your mind..

You think about the other person, as well. You can't just be selfish.

There's just... so many things I want to do. To say. The truth... it hurts. It hurts everyone.

Funny thing is, I'm not even the one that was really hurt.

Just... I don't know what to do, who to turn to anymore. I'm on this giant earth, with so many people..

but I'm all alone. The decision is mine.. but can I make it? Will it be the right one?

Or will I just tear his heart out again... and mine in the process?

I've cried my heart out these past two days. I can't take much more.

Would I even have room for him, or will he just.. fall in the black hole that is my heart..

Sound the bugle now..

Play it just for me.

As the seasons change.. remember .. how I used to be.

Now I can't go on.

I can't even start.

I've got nothing left... just an empty heart.

I'm a solider, wounded.. So I must give up the fight.

There's nothing more, for me.

Lead me away....

..or leave me lying here...

11 Comments

Mood: Anguish

Devious Comments

~~love 0 0~~

~~joy 0 0~~

~~wow 0 0~~

~~mad 0 0~~

~~sad 0 0~~

~~fear 0 0~~

~~neutral 0 0~~

~Gene-Inari Jun 15, 2009, 9:43:03 PM

It sucks how nothing is simple or easy, huh?

I've learn that the simplest path is the sometimes the best path. Maybe you shouldn't involve yourself, especially with everything that seems to be going on. Don't add fuel to the fire with this. Drop what you can, and try to work on as few things as possible.

Maybe write out the pros and cons of what your choices are?

--
Some of the easiest habits are the hardest ones to break.

~Guthixtitan Jun 16, 2009, 4:35:26 AM

*sigh*

--
Darkness Veils Your Eyes and Dulls Your Senses
--
No Hunter Of The Sky Should Ends Its Days As Prey. Better To Die On The Wing Than Pinned On The Ground.
--
Cowards Die Many Times Before Their Deaths; The Vailant Never Taste Of Death But Once

=NightReaper01 Jun 16, 2009, 7:23:05 AM

It's all just human emotions but if you think animals are just simple in terms of just doing what comes to them, no no no no, they feel like we do. I remember having these 2 twin kitties and they'd always sleep next to each and wouldn't want to be apart, but then one of them died of old age and the other kitty became heart broken and stopped eating and stuff, of course she came over it but still.

The truth only hurts people cause nobody ever listens to it and refuses to believe it.

I doubt we're that smart now and days, everyone's a dumb shit now. I met a guy who didn't know what a tumbleweed was. Wtf?

and I know what you're goin through. Don't say somethin like, i dunno, 'You've never had a boyfriend how would you know' somethin like that. I don't need a boyfriend to know what you're goin through.

--
_{An old man walks into a decaying forest and asks himself "Where am I? I don't recognize this place at all.".}

Icon made by =nightingOWL

~mithrimskulblaka Jun 16, 2009, 9:47:00 AM

I love that song! I has it on my iPod!

--
It is very foolish to lock oneself into a wardrobe...

~ZlMMY Jun 16, 2009, 10:56:53 AM

i hope eventually you will find your answer and accept that it's all just a part of life...
but... feel better...
i hope whatever is going between you and him will eventually go right again...

and feeling that way just means your human. and you have a heart. :/

--
_{awesome avatar made by ~DriftWolf~}

~limizuki Jun 16, 2009, 11:47:29 AM

It all comes with being human -.-

The truth indeed hurts, but it's better than living a lie. I know how you feel, trust me. I've been down this road too many times before, so if you need someone, i'm here.

I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

nobody is perfect. I'm not going to abandon you or him, not like i've done to people in the past.

You never know what you've got until you lose it. You're not alone....

_{and now i'm going to stop rambling...}

--
~Ikuzimil - My photography account

"If you don't have something to die for, then you haven't lived"

~Xesta Jun 16, 2009, 12:05:14 PM

Your rambling keeps me alive have the time, Dani. xD

Thank you.

~HowlingWolfSoul Jun 16, 2009, 4:21:47 PM

many people who know me try to avoid me as much as possible because ive nearly completely lost all of my human instincts, and adopted those of canines.
people are very drawn back by how territorial i am of my personal items, aswell as space. Where people see a hug as friendly or comforting, i see it as a challenge of strength. My parents always think im lying to them cause i never look them in the eye. Im trying to avoid an arguement or fight but they dont understand.

whenever my mom(and only my mom) tries to 'comfort' me when im sad, she doesnt realize that shes encouraging my fear and desperation and that has made me a very timid and withdrawn person.

--
My Best Friends