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:iconxesta:

~Xesta

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Journal Entry: Thu Jun 18, 2009, 11:17 PM
I'm done.

Just... done.

As soon as I finish Coercion's pic, I'll never pick up a pencil again.

I'll never bother any of you again.

I'm sorry if I wasted any of your time and pity.

Thank you for being there, even if you were pretending.

Obviously I'm not meant to do anything in this world. Just be a burden to people, it seems. I can't do school. I can't do art.

I'm a failure.

  • Mood: Anguish
  • Listening to: Hello- Evanescence

Devious Comments

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:iconpokebleach:
come on snap out of it we love your art come on please dont do this to your self i wanted to see you other ideas in your art:cry:

--
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:iconkaicow:
Woman, put your head on straight right this instant! :( You are in a SLUMP. They feel AWFUL; it's the most heartwrenching, gut-twisting pain you're forced to endure because nothing makes it go away. I know.

I really do know. It corners you in a little box and eats away at your insides regardless of how long you laugh and smile, and even when it DOES go away it's only a matter of time before it returns. But you know what? You have to fight it.

I know that sounds like utter bullshit - people don't realize that you HAVE been fighting all along, you're just now breaking down - but it's true. You have to keep fighting it.

I think the thing that bothers me most is that 99% of your words have left my mouth before. I've thought the same things, and I've squeaked past the anguish, but I feel like a moron for not being able to kneel down and claw you out of this mess. It makes my heart hurt.

But it is relieving, isn't it, to know that you truly aren't alone? To know that there are other people who suffer the same, people that are here for you.

Xesta, I may not know you very well, but I've got two perfectly good shoulders to cry on whenever you need them. I want you to relax for a bit, ride this out until it ebbs away - come back and see how much people care about you and your boundless talent. You have SO much potential! Not everyone ends up working for Disney or making millions sure but that potential is THERE, and it would be a damn shame to just let it rot like this. I do care, and your friends care, and the people who support and critique you care. Taking away something as beautiful as your creativity leaves this little spot on the internet several shades gloomier.

--
    Veera: *tickletickletickle* >83
    Groll: EEEEHEHEHEHEHE *Squirms*
    Veera: *tickletickletickletickletickle etc.*
    Groll: FUCK YOU BITCH *Kicks in the face*
:iconwrathofnessis:
You know what, Xesta...Just stop. Just fucking stop. I've been reading journals like this from you for over a year now, and I've held my tongue (or in this case, fingers) until now because I just can't take it anymore. I love you dearly and you've been a great friend to me over the years, and I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings but this needs to be said.

You seriously need to grow the hell up and stop acting like the world is against you and only you. I'm sorry that your mother's a bitch and that you're doing poorly in school, but you have the power to fix all of that. The fact is, you've said many times that you're dicking around because you feel that you can't do it, and I'm calling bullshit. You know damn well that you can do it...you just don't want to. Highschool sucks. I'll be the first one to admit it. But highschool, and school in general, is what you make of it. If you're determined to have a horrible time, then that's exactly what you're going to get. If you don't apply yourself and do the work, then you fail. It's cause and effect, and you're going to have to deal with that until the day you die. If doing poorly in school is making you depressed, then FIX IT. Only you can do that...not your mom, not your teachers, and not your friends. YOU.

As for your art, I think you are a talented artist. But I'm not going to try to convince you of that because that's something you have to figure out on your own. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else because everyone learns differently. You think I started out with sparkly artist powers? Hell no. I started out with stick figures like everyone else, and I practiced until my fingers bled until I got to where I am today. And am I satisfied with my work? Nope! And that's why I practice EVERY...SINGLE...DAY until I master a certain technique...then I move on to the next one. It takes time and patience to hone skills, and it's not going to happen overnight. Some people learn fast, and some learn slow...you've got to learn at your own pace and stop throwing in the towel when you get frustrated. And that applies to everything, not just artwork.

I don't know what's going on, and I don't expect you to tell me. But you need to take a long, hard look at yourself and figure out what it is that YOU want to do, and then do it. You're on the fast-track to becoming an adult, and soon you won't have a choice but to deal with things that are hard.

Be pissed and upset with me if you want to...but remember this: If I didn't care, I wouldn't have bothered.

:heart:,
Becca

--
"Life is eternal, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight."
~Rossiter Worthington Raymond
:icondarktail67:
i support Becca's comment 100% ): this type of Journal, rather than doing you any good, only serves to bring the rest of us down cause we're feeling awfully helpless that our comments and cheers do nothing to be more optimistic. Come on, Amy, how many times do you have to take a look at the list of people following you to realize your art is great? i'm not precisely awful, but for Christ's sake, you're more popular than me, that's just GOT to mean you're better, right? and i'm not talking because you draw what's popular, you've said it yourself, and your stamp section supports it: you draw what you like because you want. YOU. people like YOU, and none of us is judging you on negative basis, but watching you beat yourself over with a pointless hammer is just painful when we can't even get over to your house and comfort you, not to mention slap some freaking sense into you. the same goes for school, really, if you suck, repeating it to yourself over and over won't do you any good. From now on, i have homework i want you to do: sit down any time you feel like it, grab a piece of paper and pencil, and start writing 'i'm wonderful. i'll succeed. this is temporary and i'll get over it' over and over until we think you're starting to feel better. Really, now, all the rest of us can do is support you, those more experienced guide you, counsel you, but in the end, the bottom line is that your life depends on you, and you alone. Sure, there's external facts, don't i know about them, but you do what you can with what you get, and that's what makes you be yourself. you do nothing, you're nothing, but if you do something...you can be great. Cheer up, hun, i don't want to be seeing you break down everytime you have a problem :/

--
SSgt. Griggs: Oh, you gotta be shittin' me!
Cpt. Price: Gaz, can't you make it open faster?
Gaz: Negative, sir. But you can try pulling it if it'll make you feel better
Cpt. Price: ...Cheeky bastard

CoD4: Modern Warfare
:iconmithrimskulblaka:
I was kinda holding my tongue on the same facts... =WrathOfNessis is right, I didn't want to be the one to break it to you, but just stop, we're not trying to hurt your feelings, we're trying to pick you back up... please, I miss the old fun-loving Xesta

--
It is very foolish to lock oneself into a wardrobe...
:iconxrobin:
I agree with WrathOfNessis, Xesta and I couldn't have said it any better myself. She took most of the words from my fingers practically.

Xesta, I know we don't know each other but I've been watching as long as I've know Zimmy and that's along time. Please, do not speak or think this way, you my friend have pure talent, a gift most people want however which they can acheive by practicing like you and me. You've come so far, Xesta, and it is pointless and stupid to give it up all now! Honestly I think your a way better artist then me, really! Your anatomy and style is amazing and I would hate for that to go way.

I'm not sure what else to say here, and truefully I'm none too good at these sort of things but I do hope you feel alot better about yourself soon. :c

--
What is love?
Baby don't hurt me,
Don't hurt me,
No more.

Chuck Norris just round-house kicked you in the face so fast that you don't even know what the fuck just happened.
:iconapollyna:
Well, I can't tell you to stay because it's your internet and your computer and YOUR EFFING PAID ACCOUNT but um, I watched you for a reason, honey. It's cause you make smexy art. If your silly butt can't see that, well dang. I guess I just lost some more inspiration.

If it matters, you obviously have some people wanting you to stay. Like you're reading any of these. :/

--
Sheezyart = [link]
Blogspot = [link]

The meaning of life? That's easy, it's [link]
:iconnightreaper01:
I agree with becca. I've frankly had enough of depressing shit. Not to be rude or anything but can't you JUST be happy for once? I know you complained about me whining to you all the time but this is kinda or maybe the exact same thing! Now I'm tellin you to stop whining and DO something about your life!

Life sucks sometimes but YOU have the power to make it ENJOYABLE. And if you say that you know all of what becca said to you, then why would you post a journal like this? Why aren't you making efforts to make life BETTER?

I don't know what to say anymore Xesta, everyone's getting tired of these kinda journals and so am I. I think...If you just...I dunno...

I really don't know what I should say to you.
Nothing I say to you ever seems to affect you.

--
An old man walks into a decaying forest and asks himself "Where am I? I don't recognize this place at all.".

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